Musings While I wait

 Up front warning here. 

 I had a few thoughts today when I was at and after mass. 

 If you are not Catholic you may not want to continue to read what I am going to write.  

OK, you have been warned, LOL.

We are heading into the season of Lent. 

 I couldn't help but think about the similarity of the suffering our Lord went through during this season.  I have struggled with suffering and why it happens to good people my whole life.  

As many of you know both of my sisters are handicapped. 

 I am the one that is now responsible for them both.  

Not that that is suffering so much for me as it was for our family. \

 This may be a story for another day. 

 I got to thinking that perhaps God has given this path to me to work to strengthen my faith in him. 

 To show me how to be more  humble. 

I'm certain I am being asked to suffer along with Christ during this Lent for the salvation of others.

 I have always been the caretaker and now I realize that I could not have done any of that without Him.

I was talking with my SIL about this today after mass.  

She told me about the concept of Victim Soul. 

 I had never heard of this before.

  If you have not either here is the definition:

A victim soul is an individual who has been chosen by God to undergo physical, and sometimes spiritual, suffering beyond that of normal human experience. 

The victim soul willingly accepts this unique and difficult mission of offering up his or her pains for the salvation of others.

It became painfully obvious that God was asking me to use my suffering for the salvation of others.  

My Lent will be showing my obedience to Him by offering up my pain and suffering. 

Kind of deep thoughts, I know but an ah ha moment for me!

OK so that's what was going on in my life today while I wait for the phone call tomorrow to set up the appointment at the Breast Care Clinic. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon sewing on my Sparrows.

They are getting closer to being finished too.

I will take photos tomorrow.

~XOP~

 

The Day My Life Changed Forever

 I snapped this selfie on February 16 while waiting for my routine mamogram.  I wanted to keep this appointment and then we were set to leave for NC for the next 3 months to visit the kids and Avery.

After the mamogram I had to wait to make sure the pics were ok.  They called me back for an ultrasound.  They found a mass on my left breast and wanted a closer look.  Due to how it looked, the radiologist and ultrasound tech were pretty confident it was malignant.  I went in on the 23rd for a biopsy.  I got a call from the radiologist today that the mass is malignant.  It was described as an 

Invasive, mixed ductal lobular carcinoma level 2/3 (Intermediate).  That's it.  That's the extent of what I know so far.  The radiologist will refer me to the U of M Breast Cancer center where a team of doctors will work with us to determine the course of treatment.  I have no family history.  I do not have the breast cancer gene.  

This feels so surreal.  Like how can this be happening to me?  I lost all that weight, changed my eating, gave up alcohol, and try to walk most days.  I am feeling a little shell shocked.  One minute my life was GREAT and now my life is in limbo.  I am generally a very optimistic person and am trying to remain so right now.  I expect surgery will happen first and I am guessing it will be followed by chemo and radiation.  I think they will have to look at the lymph nodes to see for sure.

How are you "supposed to " feel?  I'm sad, scared, angry and anxious.  It feels like I woke up in a nightmare.  I know lots of people go through this.  I know treatments are the best they have ever been.  I know we caught it as early as we could (nothing on last mamogram a year ago).  In my head I can rationally tell you all those things.  In my heart I just want to throw up and hide in a hole.  I won't of course, being that I have no large holes to hide in and all but maybe in the spring.  

Chris is worried.  His mom died from cancer.  I can't even imagine how he must be feeling.  I don't want to talk to anyone, like at all.  People ask me things I can't answer and when I say I don't know they ask the same thing in a different way and guess what?  I STILL DON'T KNOW!  Know what that does?  It makes me even more worried and upset and really angry.  I know they are trying to process too but at this point it's all I can do not to go try to dig that hole in the frozen ground!  

I debated writing this post at all but I think I will keep a record of my journey here.  It it is too much for you I understand.  I will post other things as I can.  I actually started a new quilt yesterday.  It's called Sparrows.  I think I will work on it this weekend to keep my mind out of digging that hole!

I suspected this was how things were going to go so we drove to NC from Thursday to Monday.  We had an amazing time.  It was good to see the kids and Avery.  I got to see my friend Kailie too.  It was WAY too short of a trip but good for my soul.  We stopped at a place called Glen Ferris for lunch on our way home to MI.  We drive by it and always talk about it so this time we stopped.  The food was terrible, LOL.  The pork chops were the worst, very dry, but the company was excellent and the view spectacular.

I think I will need to get some pics of my hair before it falls out and maybe a personal photo I won't share to remember what my body looked like before any changes I have to undergo happen.

My oldest daughter told me she is due for a hair cut so if I wanted she would save her hair and we could mix ours together and make me a wig.  That, that right there folks is love!  

I hope I have not bummed out too many people.  Please pray for me and for my family.  I will be updating here and on IG as I know more. 

~XOP~

PS.  My favorite Pics with my best fella

Quick Quilt Retreat

I headed out last Thursday with my SIL, to a quilt retreat in Chesaning, MI. 
 The retreat was at Creative Passions.  

We were in the basement of the big green house.

  We love retreating there.  

Our friend, Cori was not able to join us this year though and we really missed her!  

Mary and I spread out our "stuff" and that was nice too.
You can see my set up on the right. 

 Hers on the left and the gigantic pile of fabric.

I was working on my Ocean Wave blocks. 

 I started these several years ago now. 

 I even cut into my precious Neptune fabric! 

 I thought I had everything I needed to finish up the 8 blocks but alas, I did not. 

 I was missing the white squares for the final 3 blocks.  

Since it was an OOP fabric I had to wait until I got home to be able to cut more. 

 I guess these will be coming with me to NC!

 I did finish the five I had fabric for though.

I brought some old bee blocks I found when cleaning recently.

They were all made from vintage sheets.

I got that top put together.

I joined up with my local LQS during the pandemic to do their block of the week.

I kept up for half of the year then we left for NC.  

I brought the rest of the patterns and fabric to make the rest of the blocks with me.

I finished all 52 blocks!!!  They were super time consuming since they are 8" blocks.

We stayed in for our food and ate what we brought for most of our meals.

This allowed us to continue to sew.  

We got up early and stayed up late.

The one break we did take was to go to the quilt shop.

That always takes a bit of time as Seven Sisters is a little ways away.

We had a great time and got quite a bit finished.

I am leaving on Thursday for NC for 3 months.

Just packed up some projects and we shall see what I get done.

Will be playing with my grandson so not sure.

We will be meeting up with our friend, Kailie at the campground.

She is a quilter and we like to sew together.

Looking forward to all of it.

(Especially seeing GS and getting into warmer weather)

~XOP~

Current Projects

 I have been working so hard to finish up some of the things I had started.  
I got the Economy Fox quilt finished, but only snapped this picture. 
 I love that border! 
 It took me so long to finally cut into it and then to try to get it to line up (somewhat).  

I put the borders on my All Hallows Eve quilt using this pattern.  

I had 3 blocks left over so made this table runner out of them.

I used the left over border fabric for the back too. 

 Used scrap batting too.

I got my new quilt labels in the mail too so used one on the back of the table runner.

I now have 5 quilts heading to my quilter!

All Hallows Eve

Kitty Corn Buffalo Plaid

Prissy Pumpking

Quite Contrary

Economy Foxes

I made binding for 4 of them.

Still need to make binding for the fox quilt

I ordered some Red fox fur Minky for the back of that one!

You can see all my binding babies holding my bindings.

Last but not least for now.

I have all the stuff to make 2 Changing Stations (Made By Annie Pattern)

You can see the first one I made here.

I made one for my daughter and intended to make more.

It was pretty time intensive for a non 3-D maker so I just put it off.

I will be retreating next weekend with my SIL and thought, BINGO!

I'll bring all the stuff and all she will need is fabric and 3 zippers

This gets a HUGE bag out of my sewing room too, BONUS!

This is the fabric I plan to use for mine.

The birds for the outside, the aqua for the lining, and the stripe for binding and handle.

I have a few more things to share, but need to take some pictures.

~XOP~

Baby Burp Cloths

 I have been on a burp cloth making kick. 

 I had SO many cut out already.  

I was cleaning in my room and decided that if I sewed up everything I had cut

 maybe it would make a little more space. 

 Hardly, LOL. 

 I will be destashing when I get back from NC so

 I have been putting fabric into bins for the big destash too.

I listed the burp cloths in my ETSY shop if you are interested in purchasing one or more. 

 

Most are flannel($5) but there are a few knit/terry cloth ($6) ones too. 

 Here are photos:

Sparkle flowers  1 available

Fighter Jets  Two available

Deer 1 available

Sheep 3 available

Elephants 3 available

Jungle animals 1 available

,

Love you to the moon and back 1 available

Dogs 4 available

Polar Bears 5 available

Holiday Sloths 1 available

Santa and his reindeer 2 available

Detroit Tigers 3 Available

Dragons and knights 3 available

Fly Fishing 2 Available

Fishing Lures 5 Available

Golden Retriever dogs 3 available

Frozen princesses 2 available

My Little Pony 3 available

Sloths.  These are knit with a terry cloth back  3 available $6

If you are interested in purchasing some please message me at mamaspark@gmail.com

~XOP~